IG POST: Tuesday, July 2, 2019, my baby sister took her last breath. Unexpectedly. She made straight A’s, in the beta club, and had one more year of high school; 17 years young and looking forward to college. She just got her first car for Christmas 2018. Driving everywhere. She’d always txt me and ask if she can come stay over with us. She’d drive over and my mom and I would stalk her until she made it to my house because it’s kinda far. She loved to hang with Tracy and I. She thought we were the coolest big brother and sister. Lauryn was so sweet and soft spoken. She had an angelic soul.  So humble. So innocent. So shy. All she wanted to do was hug me and always asked me to make her some lasagna. I got her whatever she wanted. And so did my parents. So spoiled. She wanted to get a matching sister tattoo and wanted me to re-pierce my nose so we’d both have a nose ring for her 18th birthday. We had so many plans. Her eyes weren’t big enough for my babies. Her phone and Snapchat is filled with videos and pics of my children. I know I’m not supposed to question God but ... WHY?? I’m mad! Why Lauryn? This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I see everybody posting happy pics, dancing, and smiling and I feel like I’m in the pit of hell. That just shows me that life goes on. I just don’t know how I’m going to go on. Lord .... help me. 

UPDATE ON THE GRIEVING PROCESS: I grieve different than a lot of my family. I can still smile. I can still laugh. I can still eat (I think I’ve been eating too much tho, stress eating). When I’m around my family (especially my mom) I automatically try to be the strong one. Just without thinking. 🤷🏽‍♀️ That’s just me! Sometimes I do feel like just lying in my bed all day with no light. This loss hurts so bad. I guess because she was my LITTLE sister. She was so innocent. She was only 17. My baby had plans. She visited Southeastern Louisiana University; excited to start college. I was looking forward to showing her how to be a woman. Looking forward to her graduating college, getting married, and having kids. So … I’ve been trying to stay busy. School with the kids, volleyball practice, hanging out, going on trips … but as soon as I slow down, I begin to think more and I break down.

CELEBRATING LAURYN: Lauryn wanted a tattoo so bad. I didn’t tell my mom this but she wanted me to take her for her birthday this year 😂. Keep in mind that she was only 17. I told her no because my mom would kill me if I took her before she made 18. Ok maybe I shouldn’t say “kill” 🤔 … bad timing 😩. But those who know us, knows I was Lauryn’s second mom so I couldn’t condone that. I was a cool big sister though 😂. Why do you think she wanted to stay at me and Tracy’s house so much? 😂🤫. I couldn’t take her to get the tattoo that she just couldn’t wait for (it makes a lot of sense now), so ….. I got it for her. The same one she wanted.

Central High School will be honoring my sister today, Friday, September 6, 2019 at the the football team’s regular season opener. Her boyfriend is number 95 who is also taking it extremely hard. I will go live from my mom’s account. Also, I will vlog before, during and after. I’m scared so I think that’ll help me. Make sure you guys tune in. Thank you so much for the condolences and prayers. As mad as I was at God for taking my baby, I’m so happy and grateful that he gave us 17 beautiful years with his angel. She lived a good life. She is his first. I’m just happy that he chose me to be her big sister.

Don’t forget to tune in live on Facebook (Tammy Adams Facebook page) to Lauryn’s ceremony.

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